Should I Make My Ex Jealous By Dating Other People?

This question has several different answers depending on the context in which it’s asked.  For the purpose of this article, I’m going to assume you want to get your ex back and are wondering if making your ex jealous by dating other people is a good strategy to do that.

Before I answer that, I want to make a few things clear.  When it comes to getting your ex back, dating other people is more about you than it is about your ex.  What I mean by that is this: the purpose of dating other people after a breakup is to help yourself heal; it’s not so you can just use other people to make your ex jealous.

In other words, don’t date other people and try to make your ex jealous just because:

  1. You’re mad and you want to get revenge on your ex.
  2. They hurt you, so it’s payback time.
  3. Your ex is dating someone else, so you want to “one up” them.

These are all situations I would classify as “negative jealousy”.  And that’s the wrong way to go about it if you want your ex back.

Now there IS a really good way to use “positive jealousy” to get your ex back after a breakup.  And it can be done using text messages.

Relationship author Michael Fiore,, refers to these texts as “Green Eyed Monster” or GEM texts for short.  He says,

The “formula” for GEM texts is a bit harder to quantify, so let me just give you some good examples instead.

You want to give the GEM a little bit of chain…not throw it out there like King Kong to wreak serious havoc. This basically involves carefully and judiciously letting your ex in on the positive aspects of your post- breakup life, while subtly turning the screws in their heart. (Notice how you’re combining jealousy with connection and the reminder that you know them well in a really interesting way. This is advanced Text Judo, and it’s JUST THAT EASY.” (Get all of Michael Fiore’s texts here…)

Jealousy, when used in the right way, is a good thing.  It can be extremely effective at helping you get your ex back.  But you have to do it in the right way and for the right reasons.  It has to be subtle.  You can’t just boldly flaunt some new supermodel in your ex’s face and expect them to suddenly want you back.

Dating other people after a breakup helps you recover emotionally.  It helps you feel wanted again.  It raises your self-worth.  It gives you confidence and makes you feel happy.

That’s why you do it.  It’s about making yourself feel better, which in turn makes you more attractive to your ex.  It’s not about getting revenge or flaunting another person in your ex’s face.